Currently Reading The Book of Lists for Teens By Sandra Choron, Harry Choron see related

   On Mon. I flew in from South Carolina at about 11:00am....so I didn't have to go to school!  South Carolina was a lot of fun, I loved hanging out with my cousin (her life is so much more interesting than mine haha).  The rest of the week went pretty well also...I found out that for my tap class we are going to do a trio! I'm so excited about that because people will get to see me on the stage the whole time (yes..i'm a little self-centered ).  This weekend I baby-sat my little sisters and brother, that wasn't to bad. I took  them to see Harry Potter (it was prob. a little to scary for a 4 yr old but I think they liked it.)

This morning I went to church and It was really good. We talked about what we would do if we knew Jesus was comming back in a week...most people said "get married" which actually means "...so I can have sex" lol.  I said I would like to travel a lot and get married (haha) but really I would just like to go on a date.   One of my best friends Kristen and I were talking about what it will be like when we get to heaven...some people said that we wont remeber people there like we do now. But Kristen and I said that we would still like to be friends...our plan is meet "..on the west side of God's building"-Kristen.   Then we are going to become Cloud Fluffers. lol I know it all sounds crazy...buts I think it would be nice to have somthing planned when I get there. haha.  Kristen was one of my first friends at church, and I love talking with her, we always think of random things life...cloud fluffing. We had a SLT meeting also...not to eventful but I stayed to talk afterwards and I really enjoyed talking to my friends...and some of the guys actually said a couple of words to me .  I know crazyness.  Tonight I went to my boss's christmas party...that SUCKED...but I'm tired now...so I'll let you know about the party another time....

  So...I'm at Charleston Southern University right now!  Why? you may ask.  Beause   I am visiting my favorite cousin at college.  I've been in South Carolina since Sunday. I've had a pretty good time so far. I've gotten to see a lot of my family.  What my dad doesn't understand is that I would much rather be hanging out with my cousin, then staying at home the whole visit and talking to people about "my plans" for next year.  I know I need to spend time with everyone, but I always have SOO much more fun with Jordan than I ever will in TX. (due to my lack of a social life). 

    I'm so ready for next year to go to college.  But now I'm kinda worried if I picked the right college.  I know prob. everyone worries about if they picked the right one after being accepted.  OBU sounds like a great school, I'm just worried if I will have fun there. They are a very serious school, and extreemly religous based (not that any of those are a bad thing, I wanted a school where  i will be encouraged to attend bible study and chapel) I just want to have fun to.  I know this all sounds crazy but, its just been on my mind.  

     Tonight I am debating weather or not to to my workout so that I can have "A Flat Tummy in Just 2 Week!"....(i've been doing it off and on for a month...and my tummy aint flat).  I'm kinda sick of spending my time working on my appearence...  I know I  need to accept myself as I am, "not-so flat tummy" and all. I know i'm not going to look like my friends or my beautiful cousin. I'm not them..I'm am SAM!! (haha thats a movie ). 

   Tonight at 210 I really started thinking that I need to work on my self from the inside.  I need to forget about what everyone says i'm supposed to look like, and start thinking about what God is looking at. He doesn't care if my shoes or in-style or if my hair is frizzy. He is looking at my heart and my actions. Does he like what he is looking at?

    I've always wanted to impress people. I've wanted to be the center of attention and for all eyes to be on me, and for everyone to think wounderful things about me.  Latley GOd has been telling me to step back. He is my audience.  He is the only one that I need to impress. I want him to look at me and say "Thats my daughter, i'm so proud of her".  Its something i'm deffently going to work hard on.  Tonight we talked about how God accepts us flaws and all.  All the difficulties I go through, all the mistakes I make...He is always with me....holding me close, showing me the right way.  I need to start following his directions, and crying out to him when i'm hurting or confused, realizing that I need him.

 Well I hope that made since...I was pretty much just rambling....

Currently Listening X&Y By Coldplay see related

okay...so its 8:15am and I'm sitting in my room working on my Colon cancer project for Anatomy! Wow its great to have senior in!

     So...on Monday I went to an FCCLA leadership confernece, because i'm an officer (historian ) . At first it wasn't that fun, beacuse I didn't know any of the other girls that well. But I ended up haveing a great time. The girls were so nice to me and we just had a really good time. We saw this guy in a 18 wheeler and he was HOTT! we deffently took some pictures of him.  I'm really glad that I decided to talk to some of those girls. I'm trying to get better at talking to people so that it will be easier to meet people in college. Speaking of college....

     I got accepted to Oklahoma Baptist (OBU)! I'm so excited.  Just two months ago I had no Idea where I was going to go.  But after reading everything possible about OBU and visiting the campus, I am positive this is where I'm supposed to go. I really think God was just waiting for the right moment to let me know that he has everything under control. I was so afraid of not getting in, or not finding a place that I would be happy at...then all the sudden BAM everything was right in front of me...and now i can't wait for next fall.  Of course I will be sad to leave all my friends. It seems that i'll probley be the only one going to OBU, but hey, I'm sure i can meet some new people.

   Growth Groups was really good this sunday. One of my friends shared some of the difficulties that she is going through right now, and it turns out they are the exact thing that I'm going through also right now.  i'm so worried all the time about what I'm wearing, how I look in it, how my hair is fixed, and which guys are looking at me, or not looking at me. Its so frustrating. I know that God made me the way I am, and I should be happy with that, but its really hard sometimes. It really helped to know that someone else was goign through the same things.  I'm so glad that I have those friends and that I'm in Growth Groups. I know that all of those girls are going to turn out to be amazing people and do amazing things, there is now doubt in my mind how special they all are. 

Well that was my week in a nut shell!!! LOVE YA

wow...so its been a while since i've wrtten anything in this thing. I dont even think anyone reads my xanga. But anyway...what has been on my mind lately is..well...people. Mostly guys..but people in general too.  I dont understand how you can see the same person a few times a week and you may or may not talk to them everytime, but then when they see you at school, they say nothing, they dont even make eye contact.  And its not just them, its me too.  I'm to retardedly shy to ever say anything to them.  I get so frustrated  sometimes. Why am I so shy?!! Why can't I ever just talk to someone, (a guy)?!  I;m sure people think I have some type of social disorder.  Yes, maybe i'm being to negative (my word of the year) or i'm being to hard on myself. I'm sure I have a "great personality".  But sometime i just want to give up. I want to stop hopeing that today might be the day that that person stops and just says "hi Sam".  I live for those days! Or when everyone else is getting a hug or being asked "how was your weekend" they look at me and give ME a hug or at least ask me how I am.  I know that I shut people out.  I dont know how to change that.  Latley i've been just thinking about College and how nice it will be to get out of here and get to be a different person.....Sorry if this is a "negative" entry. But sometimes I think a person can be "Negative" being positive all the time would just be boring.  

But for a little bit of positivness...I have senior in now which is AMAZING and I really think I'm going to be accepted to OBU! Hows that?